How to Talk About Bondage | Asking for Kinky Sex

Do you want to know what are the best ways of talking about bondage with your partner? Chances are the idea of a kinky sex might already be in your partner’s head, but how do you go about bringing up the topic with them? The sexpert Jess Wild of Lovehoney tells us how.

First of all, it’s good to note that the attitudes toward this kind of play are changing as we progress into a more open-minded society. Therefore, nowadays it’s much easier to talk about bondage. There is a good chance you have already explored some kind of tease play in the bedroom without even knowing it.

But, hey… some people might still recoil when you suggest them a kinky sex. The biggest reason for this is a lack of knowledge. If your partner has a consensus notion of bondage involving a dungeon in your basement with whips and chains, then most likely they will turn you down. Another important thing is how you suggest this to them. Your delivery is going to have a massive impact on your partner’s reaction.

Alright! We know what obstacles we might face when trying to bring up the topic of bondage with our partner. Let’s move on to discussing how to overcome these hurdles!

How do you broach this subject? What kind of words should you use?

The key is to swap out the scary words, such as bondage, BDSM, spanking, for softer words. Instead of saying “how would you like to try some bondage?”, why not say “I’ve got a new idea that I think you’d really like to try with me.” Swap out words like “bondage” for “building anticipation.” Avoid jargon like “sensory deprivation or enhancement,” and go with “tickling and teasing.” Don’t forget to make it clear that this is something new for both of you to explore TOGETHER.

Swap out words like “bondage” for “building anticipation.” Avoid jargon like “sensory deprivation or enhancement,” and go with “tickling and teasing.” Don’t forget to make it clear that this is something new for both of you to explore TOGETHER.

If you have used familiar words, chances are they have not recoiled. So, let’s delve deeper. Just make sure you let the idea sink in, and not push it.

Physical play. How do you introduce it?

Jess suggests not using any products at the beginning stages. Use what you’ve got and stick with what you know.

Use what you’ve got and stick with what you know.

For example, you can ask your partner if they know about how other senses are heightened when you are not focusing on the visual, and if they want to keep their eyes closed while you pleasure them. What you are doing is slowly easing them into the play instead of going straight for the blindfold. If you want to make sure they are not looking and not intimidate them, you can lay something over their eyes such as a folded pillowcase. Do not tie anything around their face or head, unless they suggest it.

When you are experimenting with restraints for the first time, you don’t need any products. The best thing you can do is hold their hands or arms in place.

When it comes to “sensory enhancement play” a.k.a. teasing, if you have long hair, you can use it to tickle their body. Use your fingernails to gently scratch over their skin.

After sex, talk about it. Find out what they think about it. Did they enjoy it? Is there anything they want to try differently? They might even suggest bringing a product next time.

At this point, you can explain to them that what you’ve just tried is beginner’s bondage. If you both decide you’d like to try this again, you can start looking into products. You can get quite a lot of interesting items for bondage play from Lovehoney, so feel free to check out their website.

To sum this all up:

1) Don’t use jargon.
2) Keep it simple.
3) Check in, make sure they had a good time.
4) Educate yourselves, read about the subject, check out the products available and begin making plans for the next erotic adventure!

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