Bondage Archive

Top 10 Bondage Mistakes (and How Not to Make Them)

Jess Wilde of Bondage Gone Wilde at Lovehoney talks about top 10 bondage mistakes, and how to fix them.

#1 Surprises

While surprises might be fun in life, they aren’t for bondage play. It’s always important to talk to your partner beforehand so that both of you know exactly what you are going to try together and how far you can go. Surprising your partner with a spank or a kinky move you have not discussed with them prior to the play might cause them to lose trust in you. And, that is the worst thing you can do when it comes to BDSM. Consent is mandatory in everything you do, so communicating with your partner and setting ground rules must never be skipped.

#2 Research

If you want to get involved in bondage play with your partner, be sure to do a lot of research about it. Do not avoid reading about sex and learning more about it. Study the subject and do not aimlessly try out something in the process. Experimenting without knowledge to back it up for you might ruin the moment or hurt your partner. And, even though some might enjoy slight pain during sex. Remember, bondage is NOT about hurting your partner. Bondage is a fun play that is equally enjoyed by both the dominant and the submissive person.

#3 Safe Word

Do not forget to set up a safe word. The safe word is the word you and your partner agree to use when you want the play to stop immediately, and by immediately, I mean IMMEDIATELY.

#4 Using Your Safe Word

Some subs are guilty of not using their safe word. Fun bondage play is all about trust, so it’s your responsibility to use that word if you need it. If you wait until the play is over and then let your partner know that you did not enjoy the process, they might feel horrible and be apprehensive of trying this with you again in the future. So, be sure not to feel shy about using the safe word when something does not feel right for you and you want the play to stop.

#5 Ignoring Pain

A lot of newbies to bondage think that bondage means it should be painful, but that’s not the case. Pain is your body’s way of telling you that something is not quite right, and you need to listen to it. BDSM should be a fun experience for you, not an unpleasant one. Don’t push through. Not letting your partner know if something is painful in real time is not fair on either one of you.

#6 Control

A lot of people think that it’s the dom that is in control, but in actuality, it is the sub that determines how far things can go and when to stop. Yes, the dominant one performs the whats and whens of the play, but the submissive person is the one in charge.

#7 Adding Toys

Do not add something new to the play without talking about it first. It can never be stressed enough how important it is to communicate when it comes to bondage. Fun BDSM relies entirely on trust, and when you add something new without prior discussion, it can be a real shock for your partner and break their trust.

#8 Not Talking

With BDSM there is more talking involved than with any vanilla play. It’s more important than ever that you guys check in with each other throughout the play, especially the dominant partner. They need to make sure that the sub is enjoying themselves and all is A-okay.

#9 Talking After

Speaking afterwards is just as important as speaking during the act. Reflecting on the experience you shared together strengthens your bond and solidifies your relationship. It also gives you an opportunity to talk about the things you might want to drop and the things you might want to try next time.

#10 Have A Laugh

Don’t take this too seriously. Sex, including BDSM, should be fun. Explore, and don’t be afraid to laugh together. This should be something fun that you both enjoy. And, as we all know, laughter is good for the soul. It releases endorphins, which are peptides in the brain that act as natural pain and stress fighters.

Keep experimenting, my friends, and until next time!

5 Sensory Toys for Sex Play

In this episode of Lovehoney’s Bondage Gone Wild, Jess Wilde talks about 5 sensory toys for sex play. Nothing extreme, so don’t be intimidated. Some like to be restrained for sensory plays, but it’s not a necessity. Decide what you like, and make sure you communicate your preferences clearly to your partner, so that both of you are on the same page. Note that sensory toys can be used for bondage and vanilla sex, so no matter what tickles your fancy, you might find a good use of the items listed below.

Blindfold

Blindfolds are used as a sensory deprivation tool to enhance your partner’s other senses. For the purpose of this episode, let’s concentrate on the sense of touch. But, if you are interested in giving your partner a complete sensory stimulation, check out this post about an exquisite foreplay.

You can take sensory deprivation further by using earplugs, which would heighten the physical sensations even more. What do we do now that they are at our mercy? Go slow, be gentle, and if the restraints are involved, make sure you two have a safe word in place.

In order to increase the sensitivity of their skin, we have to bring the circulation to the surface. You can do this by caressing, scratching, rubbing, massaging. But, it’s fun to get out of the routine and include toys in your bedroom adventures.

Feather Tickler

If you are new at this kind of play, start with something small like a feather tickler. You can use it to tease and tickle your partner in a sensual manner.

Note that sensory plays give stimulation to the entirety of your partner’s body, instead of just focusing on their genitals. So, if you want to delve deeper into sex play with your partner, why not try it? Experiment and see how it feels for you and how it feels for them, and then talk about it.

Massage Candle

Don’t confuse massage candles with bondage candles, for the latter are designed to provide a little pain, while the former do not hurt. Massage candles melt into a pure warm massage oil. Once it’s melted, drizzle it over your partner’s skin, and you can even follow up with an actual massage!

Pinwheels

These guys might look a bit intimidating, but don’t be put off by their appearance. You roll it over your partner’s skin with no pressure. Its little prickles gently dapple across the skin, which raises the circulation and creates a pleasant sensation. This is the perfect toy to use if the feather tickler is not really doing it for you. But, if you think it looks too scary for your partner, try the product called Cat Scratcher. This one looks like sharp talons, and can also make for a good costume accessory.

Flogger

Yes, flogger is a type of whip, but don’t let this scare you away. You don’t have to use it as a whip only. Its versatility allows you to tickle your partner’s skin, stroke over their body, experiment with light flicks and taps, and if you feel ready to experiment with spanking, this item is perfect for that.

Have fun experimenting, my friends, and until next time!

How to Talk About Bondage | Asking for Kinky Sex

Do you want to know what are the best ways of talking about bondage with your partner? Chances are the idea of a kinky sex might already be in your partner’s head, but how do you go about bringing up the topic with them? The sexpert Jess Wild of Lovehoney tells us how.

First of all, it’s good to note that the attitudes toward this kind of play are changing as we progress into a more open-minded society. Therefore, nowadays it’s much easier to talk about bondage. There is a good chance you have already explored some kind of tease play in the bedroom without even knowing it.

But, hey… some people might still recoil when you suggest them a kinky sex. The biggest reason for this is a lack of knowledge. If your partner has a consensus notion of bondage involving a dungeon in your basement with whips and chains, then most likely they will turn you down. Another important thing is how you suggest this to them. Your delivery is going to have a massive impact on your partner’s reaction.

Alright! We know what obstacles we might face when trying to bring up the topic of bondage with our partner. Let’s move on to discussing how to overcome these hurdles!

How do you broach this subject? What kind of words should you use?

The key is to swap out the scary words, such as bondage, BDSM, spanking, for softer words. Instead of saying “how would you like to try some bondage?”, why not say “I’ve got a new idea that I think you’d really like to try with me.” Swap out words like “bondage” for “building anticipation.” Avoid jargon like “sensory deprivation or enhancement,” and go with “tickling and teasing.” Don’t forget to make it clear that this is something new for both of you to explore TOGETHER.

Swap out words like “bondage” for “building anticipation.” Avoid jargon like “sensory deprivation or enhancement,” and go with “tickling and teasing.” Don’t forget to make it clear that this is something new for both of you to explore TOGETHER.

If you have used familiar words, chances are they have not recoiled. So, let’s delve deeper. Just make sure you let the idea sink in, and not push it.

Physical play. How do you introduce it?

Jess suggests not using any products at the beginning stages. Use what you’ve got and stick with what you know.

Use what you’ve got and stick with what you know.

For example, you can ask your partner if they know about how other senses are heightened when you are not focusing on the visual, and if they want to keep their eyes closed while you pleasure them. What you are doing is slowly easing them into the play instead of going straight for the blindfold. If you want to make sure they are not looking and not intimidate them, you can lay something over their eyes such as a folded pillowcase. Do not tie anything around their face or head, unless they suggest it.

When you are experimenting with restraints for the first time, you don’t need any products. The best thing you can do is hold their hands or arms in place.

When it comes to “sensory enhancement play” a.k.a. teasing, if you have long hair, you can use it to tickle their body. Use your fingernails to gently scratch over their skin.

After sex, talk about it. Find out what they think about it. Did they enjoy it? Is there anything they want to try differently? They might even suggest bringing a product next time.

At this point, you can explain to them that what you’ve just tried is beginner’s bondage. If you both decide you’d like to try this again, you can start looking into products. You can get quite a lot of interesting items for bondage play from Lovehoney, so feel free to check out their website.

To sum this all up:

1) Don’t use jargon.
2) Keep it simple.
3) Check in, make sure they had a good time.
4) Educate yourselves, read about the subject, check out the products available and begin making plans for the next erotic adventure!