In this video, Shan Boodram explains the 3 main reasons we as human beings have sex and the biological reactions that take place inside our bodies during sexual experiences.
So when should you have sex with someone? There is no magical number of dates you should wait for. Sexual activity should occur if both you and your potential partner have both mutual consent and intent, and your person intent should be communicated clearly. The example scenario shows a couple on a third date deciding to have sex. While they clearly had mutual consent, their intentions seemed to differ. And why is sexual intent important in relationships?
Reason #1 We Have Sex: Pleasure
During the stimulation of sexual tissue, adrenaline and endorphins are released causing increased blood flow and an almost opiate like high. After the resulting orgasm, dopamine, the body’s happy chemical is released.
Reason #2 We Have Sex: Connection
20 seconds of holding someone is all it takes for the body to start producing oxytocin, the cuddle hormone. Cuddling before sexual activity is a great way for people to create familiarity, emotional connections and trust within a relationship.
Reason #3 We Have Sex: Relaxation
Sexual relations trigger the production of serotonin which regulates your mood, prolactin which clears your mind and melotonin that makes you sleepy. What a perfect little happy hormone cocktail.
In the scenario storyline it was clear that the parties involved had different sexual intent. The female was looking for something more emotional while the male was in it for pleasure and relaxation. Engaging in sexual activity with someone will not coerce someone to love you or become bonded to you in the way you want them to be unless they also have that same intent. Shan believes that sex should remain an experience and not a means to a hypothetcal outcome.