Fantasies are completely universal, transcending culture. Here are 10 things you need to know about the fantasy phenomenon.
1. Fantasizing can improve your sex life.
People who suffer from things like sex aversion and those who have difficulty with arousal find fantasizing helpful. This works for those who do not have sexual disorders as well. Thinking sexy thoughts makes everything so much sexier.
2. Generally, men and woman fantasize differently.
Men fantasize about things they hear, see and read; body parts and sexual acts. Men tend to focus on the physical in their fantasies and stray away from the emotional. They fantasize about multiple partners, anonymous partners and a variety of partners. The number of fantasy partners averages to about 1000 within a man’s lifetime.
3. Rape fantasies do not make you a rapist.
Fantasies about being raped or raping someone else are very common. At least half of us will fantasize about rape at some point in our lives.
4. What you fantasize about is not necessarily what you want in real life.
Fantasizing about rape does not mean you want to be raped or rape someone in real life. Fantasizing about being with other people does not mean you want to sleep with them. Not everything in fantasy-land makes the transfer to reality.
5. How to share your fantasies
Create a will/want/won’t board – things you will do, want to do and definitely won’t do – and have your partner(s) do the same. Compare these lists without any judgment.
6. Disgusting, impractical, taboo, dangerous or illegal stuff is probably ok in your fantasy land!
For example, sex while driving is unsafe for all involved while on the road. But masturbating to the thought of this sex act is okay! This is why fantasizing is so important. You can go anywhere and do anything as long as you can easily go back to reality.
7. Fantasizing can be harmful.
If you are having trouble getting back to reality after fantasizing, it is becoming unhealthy. Fantasizing incessantly can cause erectile dysfunction, relationship problems, and a drug-like dependency. Increased frequency and extremity of imagery needed to create the same arousal as the first time is a sign that you need professional help.
8. Fantasies also provide a positive escape from reality.
If you are feeling unsexy after a hard day of work, try fantasizing. Maybe about the best sex you have ever had. Your brain will communicate this as actual horny-ness and you will become aroused.
9. Fantasies can serve as test runs.
For example, if you want to try having a threesome – you can fantasize about it, rehearse it in your head as many time as you want and if you encounter any problems you can work through them before anything even happens in real life!
10. Fantasy can lead to orgasm.
People who aren’t sure how to make themselves orgasm find fantasizing helpful. This is because of all the aforementioned fantasy facts. For those who already orgasmic, fantasizing can make orgasms even better.
Bonus: Did you know some people can orgasm just from fantasy alone? No touching required!